I'm 34 and bipolar. I'm stable on medication but my dad doesn't believe mental illness exists and attributes every symptom to a lack of moral character... or demon possession.

I don't see myself changing how I feel about him any time soon.

Nor should you.

It can't help but be a little frustrating, however well-intentioned, when someone without the experience to accurately inform the comment says something like "but he's still your dad", "she's still your mom", et cetera. Bridges burn just as well from either end. And I think it's genuinely difficult for most good or even decent parents, in particular, to imagine how bad bad parents can be.

"She's still your mom."

yeah, and these are still the scars from the cigarettes she put out on my thigh. Sometimes bridges are burnt, and sometimes they were never built in the first place.

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"

I'm glad you have good experiences with your parents, but some people don't. I really clearly remember a guy I worked with at one point telling me about the murder trial his father was in, really brutal stuff. It's not like everyone is possible to live with, unfortunately some people are seriously fucked up in a way that doesn't improve with time.

If only it was this clear cut. Few abusers of children ever face any consequences. The blame is often placed on the victim.

I would not let my kid in non-supervised contact with abusive relative. If they were abusive to you, they will be abusive to them.

And distance from that relative allows you to see that with more clarity as you are no longer in environment where it was normalized.