I totally get it. You might want to read Kohn's Punished By Rewards. Extrinsic motivation, like money, can sap intrinsic motivation. It was helpful to me in understanding where my joy in the work sometimes went.
For me, that feeling of struggling to care can be an early symptom of burnout. My sustained interest in building comes from a cycle of small successes. Getting each little thing working can be a little victory. Putting it in the hands of people and seeing it benefit them, even more so. Each little victory is banking a bit of positive association for later.
But if I force myself to do the work past the point where I enjoy it, I start drawing down that positive association. That can be fine if it pays off in a larger victory later, or if I otherwise keep the balance positive. If not, eventually the work becomes joyless and then will-sapping.
I'm sure some will scoff at trying to maintain joy in the work rather than toughing it out. But I don't think toughness is enough to sustain a career in software. At this point I've changed my primary language 5 times, and I'm sure I'll do it once or twice more. And who knows how many frameworks and libraries I've had to learn over the years. To sustain that level of learning, I think we have to learn to preserve the curiosity that got us into the work in the first place.
A "mid life crisis" (which can happen at any time) is the moment when primary motivation switches from success to significance.
In our early working years we strive to become successful (for some definition of success) and this drives us to work hard, learn, experiment and so on.
Typically around age 40 you will have mastered the skills, and you will be "successful". So now you need a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
A very lucky few are already in significant jobs, and this motivation switch happens naturally and without fuss.
For the rest of us it's common to see if "playing with new toys" will satisfy. Like a motor cycle, sports car or boat. Sometimes this works, but often does not.
The happiest people I personally know seem to have found significance in seeing "others" rather than themselves. Family, community, young, are all candidates for our significance. It doesn't have to change the world, but changing the world of 1 person is deeply satisfying.
Financial freedom (earning more money in less time spent) allows more freedom in chasing this significance, and more means to do so.
Starting a business can deliver financial rewards (although mostly does not) but can also be deeply satisfying in other ways. When you look at the office carpark, and realise how many staff, and families, are being provided for because of your business, well, that's a good day.
I’ve had the last 6 months off and will be taking at least another few more off. I’ve been investing in myself in going through lots of therapy to get over emotional trauma of my past, and now am just turning to looking forward. I haven’t coded in a while - and I’m finding that’s okay, it’s still a thing I can do if I want. Toys aren’t gonna do it. A house that I have to spend tons of time keeping up also isn’t gonna do it. It’s not even about legacy or anything death related for me, its more about how to feel a bit more content with myself and maintain or generate a playful disposition to the universe.
Good for you! Extended time off has been the best thing for my long-term mental health. It let me recover from issues and reset patterns. Good luck with rest of your break!
For me, that feeling of struggling to care can be an early symptom of burnout. My sustained interest in building comes from a cycle of small successes. Getting each little thing working can be a little victory. Putting it in the hands of people and seeing it benefit them, even more so. Each little victory is banking a bit of positive association for later.
But if I force myself to do the work past the point where I enjoy it, I start drawing down that positive association. That can be fine if it pays off in a larger victory later, or if I otherwise keep the balance positive. If not, eventually the work becomes joyless and then will-sapping.
I'm sure some will scoff at trying to maintain joy in the work rather than toughing it out. But I don't think toughness is enough to sustain a career in software. At this point I've changed my primary language 5 times, and I'm sure I'll do it once or twice more. And who knows how many frameworks and libraries I've had to learn over the years. To sustain that level of learning, I think we have to learn to preserve the curiosity that got us into the work in the first place.