Since OP mentioned not wanting to DIY, if people are looking for weather system with incredibly rich API and no moving parts (no Raspberry PIs either), this system is fantastic for people without workshop build time:
To clarify, the OP said: "I have neither time nor workshop space to solder and assemble anything more trivial than "plug a sensor into an ESP32 and screw both into a box"."
The book is very much "plug in a sensor" style as everything is connected via Qwiic cables.
That looks like it doesn't have any local-first functionality? Their API documentation only talks about how to retrieve data from their server, even if you are just trying to get the data from your own station.
Does it? I couldn't find any documentation on those features, if you have links to any documentation that doesn't require going through their servers I'd love to see it since I've been looking for something just like that. Everything I have found, even for querying a single devices, requires making a request to swd.weatherflow.com via an internet connection.
True. That said, it's still interesting to me, because an outdoor weather station is something I've also been eyeing, and also having trouble to find something that a) logs data, but b) not to a cloud.
https://weatherflow.com/tempest-weather-system/