This is a throwaway so I can be dumb and learn stuff

Career/partial life bio

---

Dec 2025

It's so funny how points on a website affect my mind. Shows you how fragile I am. Oh no, someone downvoted me. It's dumb. I'm aware writing a public journal signifies you being a crazy person. But it's fine. That's what it means to be the proverbial Chad (not caring about other people's opinions) which I am not said Chad sadly. IDK what it will take for me to feel secure in myself whether the body, the hot girl, millions of dollars, even then I still may not feel enough it's funny. I want to be the rich life vagabond.

The mind is a funny thing. I have no fear going near 200mph on a highway but I feel like a meek person in other mental game situations.

Damn... One of those nights I can't sleep. Will be partying over Christmas though at a friend's house.

I pushed through my fear, sang Karaoke at a work party, was supported

I've been dieting, it seems I lose a lb a day (with running and lifting 5 days a week i.e. 1hr combined per day)

Well I did some budgeting and I decided to stop drinking at home just because it'll save me about $250/mo and my income is primarily put towards bills/debt just to stay level. Not much to put down on principal to speed run the debt.

Fixing past mistakes... ahh man I had this loan card that was closed, after 2 years they still have the account and I called to setup payments. Another $600/mo payment plan damn. I have like 10 of these that's why I'm just stuck even with six-fig income as a single person (higher taxes). Need to figure it out.

I need to figure out how to make more money, won't achieve my sport car dreams if I don't. I'm a wagie still right now. Aside from the materialistic stuff, I just want mental freedom, not bound to a 9-5.

I always think "what if I fail", but I have failed before eg. I quit a six fig job and became a warehouse worker. And now I'm back to six figs. I'm burdened by my debt and wanting to bang a lot of chicks but really the sky is the limit for me, I am in great health, good body and in a good field/know technology it's a wealth multiplier.

I was going to get mental therapy but I looked at my health insurance the deductible is $5K lmao like alright... Imma stick to working out and paying off debt.

Previous mental samples

https://pastebin.com/U2ZHjHGF (Nov 2025) https://pastebin.com/XR3bbNiJ (Oct 2025) https://pastebin.com/TWXHkyFZ (Aug 2025 - Sep 2025) https://pastebin.com/y0R0JWBz (Jun 2025 - Jul 2025) https://pastebin.com/k2hqR8uN (Mar 2025 - Jun 2025) https://pastebin.com/5xCTbGsu (2023 - Mar 2025)